The Tale of Tanya Ratajkowski

[Tatiana]

Ayy! Name's Tatiana, but y'all can call me Tanya 'cause it sounds like Sonya from Mortal Kombat, and she's badass as fuck. I've only really played Survivor ORGs, but I have played a Big Brother ORG once, and I won it. I honestly have no idea how I'm going to do in this ORG, since it seems to be a combination of the two, and I haven't been taking it very seriously. Some of these people, their profiles are intricate and serious. One guy even mentioned bring raped . . . and then mine is like "What up losers, I'm a predatory lesbian, swiggity swooty, I'm coming for dat booty". Which I like. In game theory, it can sometimes benefit one to act differently from the other players. Admittedly, however, I have no idea how this game is played, so maybe this is not one of those times. Guess we're going to find out, eh? I hope y'all enjoy watching me play this season, and I look forward going out fifth and making the Host Beverly terribly disappointed, LOL.  

[Tatiana]

Round One -- Secret Story 101

Okay, so the game is now officially afoot. Sort of. I've only spoken to a grand total of . . . two people so far, which probably isn't a good thing. I suppose people might be trying to employ the "Float 'till Jury" strategy, but I've never been the type to play so dully. Other than me, Dion seems to be the only other person to not take their biography seriously as hell, so I'm trying to get friendly with him through that similarity. Orson was the other person to reach out to me before the game even began (prior to the hosts asking us not to do that), which tells me that he's been doing the same with almost everyone, and thus is a social threat already.

When the game began, I was immediately confused. I'll be the first to admit that I don't understand any of this. This round, for me, is going to serve as a crash course in Secret Story. I'm about to attempt the challenge thing, which is going to be hard, since I've still only conversed with two people, and the majority annoy me just based on their profiles alone. 

As for the game itself, I'm legitimately torn. The Big Brother player is telling me to just chill out and build relationships, but the Survivor played is like WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU CUNT GET YOUR  DUMB ASS IN AN ALLIANCE OR YOU'RE GETTING BOOTED. I don't know the game well enough yet to make a decision either way, so I'm going to try walking the line, instead. Build relationships, accept alliances, steal influence, get paid. 

[Tatiana]

Found the obligatory try-hard on-the-fence player of the season . . . erk.

[Tatiana]

I spoke to Dion for a bit today. That guy is dry as hell. He did give me a list of who's been inactive, though, so I guess he's not all that bad. I don't really see myself working with him, since he's coming off as one of those "I don't know nothin' bout nobody" types, which is really annoying. Dion isn't even the worst I've spoken to, though! Friggen JJ is like a paranoid brick wall. I asked him today where he was from, and he goes Northeast. Dafuq is that? Northeast of what? Northeast USA? Northeast on a globe? Northeast from the nearest Taco Bell? Does this guy think I'm going to come eat him if he gives me his state? Holy Christ. 

It's been two days, and I already dislike everyone I've spoken to so far. They're boring as hell, and super sketchy. I heard there are a lot of Europeans playing this season, so perhaps I'll try talking to them tonight. Honestly, they can't be much worse than the Americans I've met so far . . . 

[Ms. Malady]

I'm southwest of my taco bell

[Tatiana]

Nov 24, 2015 14:52:24 GMT -7 Ms. Malady said:

I'm southwest of my taco bell

How many m'lady jokes did you get during S1?

[Ms. Malady]

way too fucking many. all from Glenn. I fucking hated Glenn.

[Tatiana]

So, I'm at the very bottom of the pyramid! Lovely. I mean, that's almost an accomplishment in itself, really. Take that, inactives, people don't like me more than you! Suck it! But Cass? Now that's strange. I thought she would be third row, at the very least. In fact, a bunch of our Command brethren are at the bottom. This seems to indicate that our own people ranked us below the others. Erk.

Does this mean there's a majority alliance within the Command group already? Are they throwing this shit in order to cut their own numbers down? It wouldn't surprise me at all, to be honest. I've only been on here for a day, and I've only found one person I can actually stand talking to. I dont really like 95% of these people, really. Like, not because they ranked me low as hell (I dislike them even more because of that), but . . . it's like I'm surrounded by extroverted, flaming gay men in their late teens, and I'm just this awkward, quiet Canadian university student. I can't relate to them at all. JJ told me today that he was fifteen, and then proceeded to go on about how he was so mature and shit, as fifteen-year-olds typically do in these things. I told him I played with a fifteen-year-old once, and that he was cool enough. JJ proceeds to get all weird about how he's not him or whatever, which was super uncomfortable. Like, I was just trying to make a connection with you, man, chill. But I have to play nice, so I continued to converse with the brick wall of paranoia.

Also, does anyone know who Charley is? Like, how did this guy even win the top spot? I've never even seen him in the group chat once. And Dion?! Dion is active, but he's also kind of an asshole. At least to me, he comes off that way. Jeez, if this is what these people enjoy, I'm not going to be much of a people pleaser this season, I can tell y'all that much, LOL.

Anyway, I've got an advantage in the Golden Challenge thing now, so at least I have that going for me, which is nice.

[Ms. Malady]

I love u

[Tatiana]

QUEEN TITTIANA IS NOMINATED HALP

Not that it came as a shock to me, or anyone, really. I came up low as fuck on the pyramid, and so I got nominated because Charley doesn't think I'll pose a threat. He was right, only due to me not caring . . . until he told me, quote: "I mean I tried to connect with you but you kinda ignored me". BITCH, I LITERALLY TOLD YOU TWICE THAT MY APP CLEARED ITS CHAT LOG AND I DIDNT SEE YOUR MESSAGE. What, you think I was intentionally going to blow off the HoH or whatever it's called in this game? I honestly can't tell if he was trying to bullshit me for no reason, or if he really thought I was ignoring him, in which case he thinks I'm a liar already. Which I am, but not in this case. Anyway, the people I'm up against don't seem to really be tough competition, so I'm not all that worried. It's just a matter of approach. Do I treat this like I would on Big Brother, or do I take the Survivor route and build an alliance?

Apollo has already made a few awkward jokes about being nominated in the group just within the last half an hour alone. That shit is going to get annoying real fast. The other guy, I don't even remember his name, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't even shown up yet. Was it Bruce? 

Dion keeps telling me I need to be more social, which is sort of the equivalent to badgering an introvert at a party about "why they're being so quiet". What he doesn't realize is that I hate everyone, including him, and that conversation with them is akin to mental torture. I'll take his advice, though . . . or try to. For now.

Ugh, I just wish I'd known nominations were coming up right after the challenge, though. I'd just begun my strategy to slowly climb my way back up the social ladder without having to act like a flamboyant gay man. I told them I'm a straight guy. This seems like a weird thing to do, right, but within minutes, Dion messages me and he's completely different. He expresses regret in placing me low, yadda yadda, doesn't matter, so long as he isn't evicting me. It was great. One down. Some amount more to go.

On the other hand, I don't really care if I go, either. This game is pretty much a lost cause for me at this point unless something big happens. I feel like I've come to play The Genius, got lost, and now I'm stuck on The Bachelor.

[Mrs. Jones]

But honestly we love you </3

[Ms. Malady]

if you were on the bachelor you'd AT LEAST make it to the family visits

[Tatiana]

Quick update:

JJ told me today that if he wins the PoV thing, he'll use it on me because "I'm nice". Heheheh. I guess that's two down, two more to go. Trying to build a working relationship with Apollo, since he's my bottom of the pyramid buddy. He's been pretty awkward to talk to, though, so I don't foresee myself throwing an alliance offer at him this round. I had a good relationship with Cass earlier on, but I suspect that she's somebody from a different ORG, and if she knows who I am, there's no way I'm getting her vote. Orson is someone else I'm working on at the moment. He was sketchy with his pre-game messages, but as long as he'll potentially vote for me to stay, Orson's my bfflbbqftworwhatever. I still want to message that hot Asian girl, and the boxer. I have no idea who the last girl is, but I guess I'll give her a go, too. So far, I think I should have . . . three votes locked down. Unless Cass is who I think she is, realizes who I am, and works to get me voted out for "revenge", or some other stupid shit like that. 

All of this assuming, of course, that there isn't already a majority alliance controlling who goes. I think Dion would be at the top of something like that for being so active, so as long as I continue to be his token straight guy, I might be golden this round, regardless of who I socialize with. Hopefully. Maybe. Perhaps.

[Tatiana]

They started talking about Justin Bieber's new album and Disney channel shows tonight, so I went to bed at 8PM. Screw that noise. 

[Tatiana]

So, we start the PoV thing, and literally everyone gets to compete and gang up on yours truly. Not that it matters, really. Strategically, the better move right now is for me to remain on the . . . block? Red dot? Whatever it is, if the other tribe sees me being left on there over whoever, that implies that I'm not higher up within my own tribe. On the other hand, if the other tribe gets to choose someone to save, I don't know how that'll play out for me.

I realized last night that JJ isn't actually on my tribe. Whoops! Guess I can disregard that vote, huh? LOL. Unless he wins the PoV, which is  definitely possible, considering nobody has been fisting him and such yet. I think the perceived "smart move" is to save Bryce and have the two more active Command members fight it out. In actuality, though, although one of us would go, it would create a lot of trust in whoever stayed. Less likely to flip later on. Nobody is surprised when they stay over an inactive during the first round. Well, except me, maybe. 

Speaking of staying, I spoke to Steffy today, and she told me straight up that I have her vote because I'm a girl, and she doesn't want to vote girls out. Neat. I screenshotted that conversation for when I inevitably need it later. Double thanks, Steffy!
Conversely, I actually think she's from my last game now, instead of Cass. Super sketched out about that. This is someone who allegedly relies on pre-game alliances to carry her, so it worries me a bit. 

Anyway, the challenge itself went rather well, I think! Both Jihee and Flint targeted me first, so I just came back at them in retaliation until I got rekt. No blood. This challenge is really drilling it in to me regarding how much my tribe sucks, though. I mean, Steffy is in the Command chat right now bitching about how the other tribe is winning . . . BUT SHE ISN'T POSTING ANYTHING HERSELF. Like, how is she even getting away with this? Nobody is calling her out. I don't get it. I don't get these people. It's not like they're smart enough to not make waves, Dion does it all the time! I'm legitimately just starting to think they're all trolls.   
Or they're just extremely self-unaware, who knows.